A Follicle Frenzy (The profound role of hair in our society)
From Hair by the Cowsills:
Gimme a head with hair
Long, beautiful hair
Shining, gleaming
Streaming, flaxen, waxen
Give me down to there (hair)
Shoulder length or longer (hair)
Here, baby, there, mama
Everywhere, daddy, daddy
Hair (hair, hair, hair, hair, hair)
Grow it, show it
Long as I can grow it
My hair …
We are a nation obsessed with hair. Many in this country spend tens of thousands of dollars over the course of their lifetimes cutting, curling, coloring and constantly changing their hair. The Hair Salons industry in the U.S. generates more than $48 Billion in revenues each year.
Arguably nothing defines one’s look in our culture more than the hair on the top of our heads – the legendary locks of Marilyn Monroe, Farrah Fawcett, Jennifer Aniston, Tina Turner, Princess Diana, Halle Barry and other celebrities has greatly enhanced their success and fostered a gold rush among many a lady seeking to emulate their hair styles. And the same could be said for some male hair-heartthrob trendsetters like Richard Gere, George Clooney, Bob Marley, Patrick Dempsey, Denzel Washington and David Beckham.
Ironically, substantial sums are also often spent removing hair from places deemed by most in our society to be unwanted – the nose and ears, the legs and under the arms for most women, the back and sometimes chest for many men and increasingly between one’s legs for both. This effort does not come without persistence and pain as anyone who has had hair ripped off their back or waxed off their privates (present company excluded) can readily attest.
Then there’s facial hair. Folks have really strong opinions about it. Some women adore the sight of a man with a rugged beard or hefty mustache- indeed, some studies show that women find men with facial hair more attractive than those without it. Others loathe the look and feel and consider it unclean or unprofessional. Guys who are missing hair on the top of the head seem to disproportionately choose to grow it on their cheeks and chin – perhaps seeking to deflect attention away from their barren scalps. The vast majority of women are no fan of it when it comes to their own faces.
The sports world has strong and varying opinions on the subject. In the National Hockey League, every player is expected to grow a beard during playoff time. (Some players like Sidney Crosby and Patrick Kane can’t really grow one and look ridiculous; others like Joe Thorton missed his calling as an Orthodox Jewish Rabbi). Facial hair is also extremely common in the NFL (more than 80% sport some type of it) as well as the NBA (some of the game’s most recognizable stars like Lebron, Steph and James Hardin have beards).
By contrast, the most celebrated team in Major League Baseball history, the New York Yankees, expressly forbids its players from having a beard (seems ok if one chooses to play for the Yankees as a result of free agency, but what about folks who are drafted or traded there and have no choice?). And in the worlds of professional tennis and golf there are virtually no mustaches, goatees, Van Dykes, mutton chops or other types of beards to be found.
When it comes to the people we elect to represent us in government, facial hair remains largely a no-no. The last U.S. President with any facial hair was William Taft (with his handlebar mustache) back in 1913! The last President with a full beard was James Garfield – in 1881! It didn’t go so well for the cat – he was dead within six months of taking office thanks to an assassin’s bullet. Could it have been the beard? Only one current U.S. Senator regularly dons facial hair, the cuddly and lovable Ted Cruz. (He didn’t have a beard when he was first elected but undoubtedly figures he can look however he chooses, and do whatever the hell he wants, without fear of losing his job to a “damn Democrat” in a state like Texas.)
Worse than having bad hair or too much of it in the wrong places for many is the complete absence of it on the noggin. Despite humans starting with an impressive 100,000 hair follicles, they disappear out of thin air for many, like a magic trick gone badly. Indeed, studies show that as early as age thirty-five, 66% will experience some degree of hair loss and by age fifty, 85% will have significantly thinner hair. Ultimately, more than 70% of men will go bald in their lifetimes.
And it’s not just men. It’s estimated that there are more than 20 million women who are considered bald (though they do a better job of camouflaging it). That can spark some serious resentment as Chris Rock found out on live tv when he made a joke about the baldness of Wil Smith’s wife, Jada Pinkett Smith.
Given all the angst experienced by the millions who are bald or fear that outcome, and the enormous financial windfall to be procured in the event of a cure, I am baffled that our impressive scientists who have figured out the transplantation of body parts from humans and animals, the mapping of the genome system and life-saving vaccines haven’t solved the balding issue yet.
The good news for the hair-deprived is that it doesn’t seem to have as profound an impact as many afflicted seem to think. While some view the bald as less healthy and older, others see them as bolder and more confident. And while men may worry that women won’t find them as desirable if they lose their hair, once again there are studies (perhaps sponsored by the Bald is Beautiful coalition?) that suggest that more women find bald men attractive than unattractive. Further the older women get, these same studies show, the more they actually prefer the cueball look on a man (presumably they are not just fantasizing about the Rock, Michael Jordan or James Blake).
Others may be concerned that the lack of hair on their head might serve as a disadvantage in the workplace. There is significant evidence that one’s height, size and looks can play a meaningful role in hiring and especially promotion. But research from the distinguished University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School found that baldness can actually be a business advantage. It certainly hasn’t hurt the financial prospects of folks like Jeff Bezos (Amazon), Steve Ballmer (Microsoft) and Lloyd Blankfein (Goldman Sachs).
Even in the entertainment field, where looks are often paramount to opportunity, the number of first-rate bald (or nearly bald) male actors is quite impressive: Anthony Hopkins, Samuel Jackson, Bruce Willis, Bryan Cranston, Woody Harrelson, Sean Connery, Patrick Stewart, Jamie Foxx, Stanley Tucci, J.K. Simmons, Ben Kingsley, Jonathan Banks, Ed Harris, Don Cheadle and Robert Duvall among others.
And unlike facial hair, baldness does not appear to significantly hamper one’s political prospects – at least at most levels. Indeed, there are five Governors who have a clean top- Montana’s Gianforte, Maryland’s Hogan, Nebraska’s Ricketts, Pennsylvania’s Wolf and Utah’s Cox. And nine current U.S. Senators have lost all or most of their hair: Corey Booker, Mark Kelly, Richard Scott, Tim Scott, Pat Leahy, Richard Shelby, Christopher Coons, Ralph Warnack, and Benjamin Cardin. (Hopefully we can soon add John Fetterman from Pennsylvania to that list over the fully-maned Wizard- and wierdo – of Oz.) That said, none of the 9 female Governors and 24 female Senators are bald (at least as far as we know).
There does remain, however, one political office where the absence of hair appears to be a significant disadvantage, if not a virtual bar. Our country has not elected a bald President since Dwight Eisenhower in 1956 – over 66 years ago! Considering the frequency of baldness in our country, this is a bit of mystery. While a few guys well into the balding stage won their party’s nomination, they all lost the general election, and pretty badly at that – Hubert Humphrey in 1968, George McGovern in 1972, Gerald Ford in 1976 and John McCain in 2008. ( Ford did become President when Nixon resigned, but he was never elected himself. )
Why? It’s certainly not because the candidates for President tend to be younger and are thus less likely to experience pattern baldness. Our last two Presidents were 70 and 78, respectively, at the time they were elected. And there appears to be a decent chance that we will have the same finalists for the position in 2024 – when these guys will be a whopping 78 and 82 (Urgh!). They may no longer have all of their faculties intact, but at least they have some hair on their head! (I know some may question whether that orange astroturf covering Trump is actually real hair but he swears that it is and who can seriously question the veracity of man like that?)
Could this merely be an aberration- like the Red Sox and Cubs not winning a World Series for 86 and 108 years respectively? Or is this a reflection of systematic bias against bald people – that citizens don’t feel as good or confident about a man (and unfortunately it’s only been men to this point) holding the highest office in the land if he can’t even bother to keep his hair? Or perhaps it’s that the powerbrokers, lobbyists and special interests who really run this country simply perceive that baldness is a handicap to winning the Presidency and thus can’t afford to take the chance of putting a bald person on the ballot?
I don’t know the answer but, as an astute good friend (who has plenty of hair himself) has pointed out to me, we may be inexplicably and foolishly excluding a significant number of qualified applicants for this crucial position based on an absurdity. Indeed, one might argue that bald people have a stronger work ethic (having had to work harder to get where they are), are more empathetic to others (having been discriminated against at least in some quarters) and are more confident and bold (if you buy the research to that effect). At minimum, bald folks should have a lot more time on their hands to address the many taxing problems of the world since they don’t have to spend any time doing their hair!
So, perhaps it’s high time to give the follickly-challenged their opportunity to run this country?
